There isn’t a tour bus big enough for all of us AND our kids.

What can I tell you?

If you have flag dancers in your church, the only sure fire way to get rid of them is to A. Install mirrors in various locations within your worship center so the aforementioned dancers can actually see themselves (this is the best deterrent), or if the mirrors are out of the question, get the church secretary to list the dance team in the bulletin as a “Jazzercise Group.” This should also do the trick.

Still, sometimes they just won’t quit (thanks A LOT self esteem movement.) In this case, you are not justified to leave the church, but you are justified to demand that the pastor give equal time on stage to your lightsaber squadron.

What can I tell you?

oh, and what about cussing? cause in some churches, they cuss and it’s fine.

Well, let me start by saying that I love the word cussing. By that, I am not at all suggesting that I like cussing. But rather that I like “cussing,” and you can quote me on that.

I have never been to a church that incorporates cussing into their services, but I imagine this would be alot like having flag dancers. I’ve been to several churches that use flag dancers, and it made me want to cuss. But they like it and don’t see anything wrong with and refuse to send the flag dancers away even if you beg them. Maybe the churches you mention they’ve got people who hear the cussing and want to flag dance…who can say?

No, seriously. Cussing is stupider than smoking. It’s the vice of the verbally lazy and vocabularily disenfranchised.

What can I tell you?

what’re your thoughts on “supernatural ministry”?

Well, I personally have never experienced this myself.

But I assure you that if I ever meet a person with super powers I will do my best to share the truth of Jesus with them.

What can I tell you?

if you could play with one band for a single show, what band would it be?

Oingo Boingo, cause they have the most fun.

What can I tell you?

in you could shoot fire or ice out of your eyes, which would you choose and why?

Fire, because you could use it for defense, AND cooking. This satisfies two of my greatest needs, fighting evil and eating.

What can I tell you?

do you believe in religion of christianity and if so, why?

yes, I’m a Christian (if that’s your question), and I believe the Bible because I find that it accurately represents my experience and understanding of the nature of the universe and mankind (ie. our inability to do good)

Also, I think the religion of christianity makes the best movies.

What can I tell you?

is smoking cigarettes somehow “unbiblical”?

Only in so far as it’s a terrible stewardship of the body you’ve been given.

Still it’s no more unbiblical than eating fast food, or using artificial sweetner (both of which have been proven to kill you)

If you’re underage or referring to something other than tobacco, it would be unbiblical in that it breaks the law.

Keep in mind that in some cases there’s a fine line between immoral and stupid.

What can I tell you?

Hand to hand combat, to the death, every man for himself. Mr Rogers vs. Ken Graves vs. Kip Strawbridge vs. Bob Phillips.

This is not a question, but it is intriguing nonetheless. Supposing that you want me to evaluate in which order these gentlemen would be eliminated here are my thoughts:

First, Mr. Rogers is the only zombie in the group which gives him an advantage in that he can’t technically be killed. Still, he think he would be dismembered and burned by the other three in short order.

Next, I’m afraid Kip would be eliminated. I have great faith in Kip’s fighting skills, but I think the other two would form an alliance quicker based on age and experience, and united, they would have the advantage.

Third to go would be Bob Phillips. To me this seems like less of an issue of capability and more an issue of general readiness. While Bob is devious and cunning, stealthy and strong, he doesn’t have much opportunity in his daily life to use his fighting skills. Ken Graves lives in Maine, where everyone is an outlaw. The daily use of his fighting skills would give him an obvious advantage.

So, after fighting all night, I see Ken coming out the victor, but just barely.

What can I tell you?

If it was for a really good cause, would you let someone pick your nose?

I wouldn’t even let someone hug me for a really good cause.

What can I tell you?